totally kicked my butt and left me feeling very discouraged this morning. I didn't expect to be able to walk in there and do an hour on the elliptical, but I was only able to do 10 minutes!!! I started on the treadmill at 2.6 and managed to do 15 minutes. The stupid machine kept beeping at me telling me my heart rate was too high so it would slow down to compensate. So, I moved to the elliptical and after only 3 minutes I thought I was going to die!! I pushed through it and gave up after 10 minutes. I had originally planned to do some circuit training today, too. But, I ended up leaving in tears.
And, to top it all off I have gained two more pounds.
I am trying to not beat myself up over this. I just got out of the hospital last week with a sudden case of asthma and I was in there for 5 days. My body is still healing. I know this is going to be one baby step at a time, but today I feel like crap.
I feel fat. I feel totally out of shape. And, mostly, I feel embarrassed that I allowed myself to get to this point.
I am not going to stop. I will be back at the gym tomorrow....even if it's only for 20 minutes. I am so determined to LOSE THIS WEIGHT!!!!
My drive just so happens to take place at 6am every morning, Sunday through Thursday. I love to roll the windows down, turn up the volume and sing at the top of my lungs all the way home. It's my time to be crazy, drive fast, and sing away all the stress from work, family....life.
I am one of those people who live for music. It feeds me. Keeps me sane.
Makes me happy. :)
Here are a few of my favorites from my "drive home" playlist.
***Scroll to the very bottom of this page and click the pause button on the player so you can listen***
This song remains in my Top Ten "Get Happy Fast" list...
And this one? Well, you simply can't NOT feel good when you listen to it. Makes me want to run away from all the stress in the world...
An old one from high school (Amy, you will remember this one!!)
This song is at the very top of my drive list. It has been there for a number of years. I play it in the car and sing to my Mama, my Daddy, Charlie and Johnny. I pray for my children, I remember my loved ones, and I smile inside. :)
And, the last one for today. This song makes my husband crazy, but I LOVE it. It makes me happy.
Yes, you read that right. I am clinically classified as morbidly obese. Me, the girl who was literally the poster child for anorexia when I was a teenager. The girl who was a size 3 all through high school and a size 6 when I got pregnant with my last baby. Well, I now wear a size 24. I am tired of hiding. I am tired of being embarrassed of my body. Tired of being scared to visit my family for fear of what they will think of my massive size.
But, mostly, I am tired.
I was recently hospitalized with a case of sudden, severe adult onset asthma and while I was seeking in patient treatment, my doctor decided to run a few tests.
Not only am I seriously overweight, I have high blood pressure, significant thyroid issues, swelling in my legs and feet, asthma, fluid around my heart, and I am at a high risk for type 2 diabetes.
It's time for a change and I am ready. I have a total of 128 pounds to lose and I am giving myself an undetermined amount of time to do it in. To me, this isn't just about weight loss, it's about my life. Specifically, the rest of my life. My husband is on board with me and we plan to go join the local gym next week. I already have clearance from my doctor to start this, provided I stay on my asthma meds and watch myself closely.
