about this blog: a warning

This blog contains things that most would consider "sensitive material".

In fact, I think I would even consider this blog "adult only".

It's your call.

Here's the deal....

I write about some really difficult issues.

Death.

Suicide.

Sadness.

Grief.

Some of my posts contain bad words.

Really bad words.

Sometimes, lots of them.

I will not censor my posts for you.

However, you DO have a choice in this.

---Take me to the kittens.---

You can choose not to read here.

I don't care either way.

This blog is not about you, it's about me.

I am sorry if this offends any of you, but I am not going to make myself into something I'm not just to make you feel better, or because I am scared of what you might think of me.

I am 35 years old, I write about some really strong emotions, and you know what?

Sometimes the word shit or damn expresses exactly what you are trying to say.

Yes, I have been to Hell and lived to tell you about it, but I have also had some AMAZING times in my life.

I have a wonderful, loving husband and three kids who are the very reason I get out of bed everyday.

So, if you can overlook an occasional bad word, get your cup of coffee, or your cup of tea, a big box of Kleenex and hang around for awhile.

You might find you actually like it here.

jackie :)

my story

Check back soon. :)

Bring the Rain

This is how I feel right now. The last week has been HELL. It has drained me emotionally and spiritually. Right now, I am holding on to God's promises and knowing that He will be walking with me through this valley.

Scroll down to the bottom and pause the player to listen to this video.

Enjoy. :)

Mercy Me-Bring the Rain

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty

Inspirational Quotes

This list is going to be a work in progress. I will add to it often and sometimes, take away. If you like a particular quote, please feel free to take it and use it. However, I do ask that you give credit to the original author and tell others where you found it.

Thank you. :)

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
~Marianne Williamson~

Tears are God’s gift to us. Our holy water. They heal us as they flow. ~Rita Schiano, Sweet Bitter Love, 1997, published by The Reed Edwards Company

If tears could build a stairway,
And memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to Heaven
And bring you home again.
~Author Unknown

For some moments in life there are no words. ~David Seltzer, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

"Few of us ever live in the present. We are forever anticipating what is to come or remembering what has gone." ~ Louis L'Amour

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." ~Marilyn Monroe

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present. ~ Jan Glidewell

Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. ~ Anthony Robbins

"Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, but stigma and bias shame us all." ~ Bill Clinton

"What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. - Barnett R. Brickner

"There's such a lot of different Annes in me. I sometimes think that is why I'm such a troublesome person. If I was just the one Anne it would be ever so much more comfortable, but then it wouldn't be half so interesting." ~ Lucy Maud Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep. ~ Carl Sandburg

Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow.— Dorothy Thompson

Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. — A. A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.— Semisonic, Closing Time

The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any. — Alice Walker, The Color Purple

In order to get from what was to what will be, you must go through what is. — Anonymous

The most important of life’s battles is the one we fight daily in the silent chambers of the soul. — David O. McKay

I do my thing and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful. If not, it can't be helped. -Fritz Perls

People are often unreasonable and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you.
Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.
Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It never was between you and them anyway.
- Mother Teresa

"You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear." Anonymous

100 Things About Me

I don't know if I can come up with 100 things, but here goes nothing.....

Oh, I will probably share some very personal, very difficult things, so consider yourself warned. You don't have to like what I say about myself and you certainly don't have to read here.

:) :) :)

1. I am an only child. My parents tried to get pregnant for almost ten years before having me.

2. I am a proud Louisiana native. I moved to Arkansas when I was 18 and while I love it here, there are times when I really miss my home state.

3. By the time I was 19 years old I had buried both my mother and my father.

4. By the time I was 23 years old I had buried my mother, my father, and my husband.

5. The last movie I watched with my mother before she died was Steel Magnolias. Mama died due to complications from diabetes, just like Shelby. I still cry every time I watch it.

6. My daddy is responsible for my love of raw oysters.

7. I once consumed 4 dozen raw oysters, 11 Coronas, 2 BIG margaritas, and a couple Midori Sours at a bar in Ft. Walton Beach. It was a lot of fun during, but afterwards...OH MAN. It was really, really bad.

8. My ex-husband taught me how to make pancakes. His mother taught me how to "properly" fry an egg.

9. I got married for the first time at 16. I was not pregnant.

10. I had my daughter, Holley, at 18. She is named after my mother and father.

11. My father died two months after Holley was born.

12. I will be 34 years old in four days. Holy crap I'm getting old.

13. I love Van Morrison, Ray Charles, and Kenny Wayne Shepherd.

14. I also really love Michael Grimm. He's going to be a legend, I can feel it. I am calling it right now.

15. I have vitiligo. This is the same disease that caused Michael Jackson to look like he bleached his skin.

_______________________________________________________________

Edited to add the next few things about me....

16. My favorite color is red.

17. When I was a freshman in high school I stole cigarettes from my Daddy's carton that he kept in his truck. I left an empty space where that pack should have been in hopes that he wouldn't notice. He noticed.

18. That same year a boy that I was in love with died in a car wreck. Both he and the driver were drunk. I was supposed to be in that truck.

19. When I was a little girl I sucked the middle and ring fingers on my left hand.

20. Every year on my Daddy's birthday I have a Crown and Coke. Just one, but for many years after he died it was three or four.

21. I have two cats names Cash and June that I adopted from the animal shelter. They are spoiled rotten.

22. I have a severe addiction to Lindt truffles, the white chocolate ones.

23. I attended five different high schools in two years time, but never graduated. I got my GED in 1996.

24. I played the flute for six years when I was in school. I made first chair at my high school and second chair in state competition.

25. I would love to have another child one day. Part of me wants to plan for it, but I am not sure it's in God's plan for me at this point in my life.

Old Fashioned Pancakes

This recipe is one that I just had to share with you all. It's literally so good that I threw out my Mimi's recipe (the one I have used for years!!!) Shhhh, don't tell anyone. :) These pancakes turn out so fluffy and good, you simply must try them.

1 1/2 cups flour

3 1/2 teaspoons baking powder (yes, you read that right, THREE and ONE HALF TEASPOONS of baking powder!!)

1 teaspoon salt

1 Tablespoon white sugar

1 1/4 cup milk (I use a bit more like 1 1/2 cups, but you can adjust this to your liking)

1 egg

3 Tablespoons real butter, melted (this is the most important part, DO NOT USE MARGARINE!! Use only the real stuff, unsalted)

Mix the dry ingredients in a large bowl. Make a well in the middle of dry ingredients with your spoon. Add the milk, egg, and melted butter to the well in the middle. Mix this until well blended. You may use a stand mixer if you double the recipe

Heat a lightly oiled griddle over medium heat. I use a cast iron skillet or griddle for super yummy crispiness on the outside and fluffy in the middle. Besides, cast iron makes everything taste oh so good!! I have a slight addiction to cast iron and have acquired quite a collection over the years. Six skillets, one dutch oven, two cornbread pans, one griddle....this really needs to have it's very own post. :)

Drop by 1/4 cup fulls onto griddle or skillet. Cook until you see air bubbles popping on the top, then flip. Cook until done on the other side. Serve hot with lots of butter, fresh fruit, whipped cream, syrup...or whatever else you may like on yours.

Enjoy!!! :)

What's for dinner??

Sunday Chicken Supper!!! (:

The title says "Sunday", but it needs to read "Anyday". This is the easiest and tastiest way I cook chicken in my crock pot. 15 minute prep, turn it on low, head out the door to work...and 8 hours later dinner is on the table. And, oh it's SO GOOD!!

4 medium carrots, chopped into 2 inch pieces

1 medium onion, cut into 2 inch chunks

5-6 small red potatoes, quartered

1 boiler/fryer chicken, (3-3 and 1/2 pounds) cut up

4-5 bacon strips, cooked crispy and crumbled

1 and 1/2 cups hot water

2 teaspoons chicken bouillon granules

1 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon dried thyme

1/2 teaspoon dried basil

1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

pinch of pepper

Layer the first 5 ingredients in the order listed. In a bowl, mix the water, bouillon and spices. Pour over the top of chicken. Do NOT stir.

Cover and cook on low for 6-8 hours until veggies are tender and chicken juices run clear. Remove chicken, vegetables and serve with green beans and a salad. You may thicken juices for gravy, if you want.

So YUMMY!!! Be prepared to give out the recipe if you serve this to company.

Enjoy. (: (: (:

Father's Day 2010

I wrote this last year in memory of my Daddy. And, while it brings me to tears every single time I watch it, I really wanted to re-post it this year. I miss my Daddy every day of every year that goes by. This will be my 14th Father's Day without him.

I cherish these pictures with all of my heart, as they are the only ones I have left of him. For those of you that might wonder, that is my beautiful Mama with him in the blog post. In the video, he is shown with his longtime and very dear friend, Pam Austin.

The very last picture on the video is the last one ever taken of Dad. It was taken only ten days before he died.

I believe it captures best what we all loved about Waymon...his smile.


***Read the blog post and then watch the video at the bottom. Be sure to hit pause on my music player so you can hear the music on the video.***


{original post}

This year makes the 13th year I have spent Father's Day without you.

I miss you every single day of every single year that passes by. I never realized how hard it would be without you. I miss you at times when I least expect it. I have very few pictures left of you and not one of you and Holley together. It stinks.

My memories are all I have left when my children ask questions about you. I tell them all the funny, crazy stuff we did together.

I tell Holley about how scared you were to hold her the day after she was born.

She just laughs.

I remember the educational things you taught me over the years.

I remember the silly little things.





Because of you:

I learned to check and change the oil in my car.

I learned how to change a flat tire.

I developed a serious constant craving for Chick-A-Dilly chicken.

Every time I see a jar of Tostitos cheese dip I think of you.



I learned to judge the mechanics that work on my car.

I also learned to never let them take advantage of me.

All during my childhood I was convinced I had been named after a carburetor.

I learned to appreciate a person that can hunt and kill their own food.

I developed a deep love for hunting later, because of you.

I see you when I see blue Dickies coveralls.




Crown Royal tastes the best when I miss you terribly and need a good, stiff drink...Waymon Holley style.

Everywhere I look I see hooded eyes.

I learned that sausage is best smoked on the grill and served with mustard.

I remember sitting with you on the porch at Pam's holding your hand...silently.

I remember going hunting with you and sharing a can of Vienna Sausages. YUK!!

You always bought me an ICEE, every time we went into the Pit Stop.

I think of you every time I think of Pam. Those bonds are unbreakable.

Pennywise the clown still scares the crap out of me.

My college degree? It's for you.

To this day I think of you when I see a Nissan truck.

And a Rottweiler.

And a Cocker Spaniel.

And a Beagle.


Click on my music player to disable the blog music before you play this video. Thx.