I am starting to feel it

Today:

One mile on the treadmill (and only because my shins were KILLING me!!!

Five miles on the recumbent bike.

I'm super tired, but I can't sleep.

There is simply too much going on right now personally and now I am up cleaning like a mad woman.

Can't wait for Thursday when I can chill out at Pam's Poolside Paradise with a nice cold drink!!

Can I get a pretty colorful umbrella in that, please?? :)

Baby Steps

I walked into that gym determined to do what I needed to do today.

And, I walked out of there feeling like a new person.

Proud of myself.

Sweating.

Smiling.

I finished a mile on the treadmill.

I haven't done that in over 5 years.

Today I am a happy, happy girl.

Workout #1

totally kicked my butt and left me feeling very discouraged this morning. I didn't expect to be able to walk in there and do an hour on the elliptical, but I was only able to do 10 minutes!!! I started on the treadmill at 2.6 and managed to do 15 minutes. The stupid machine kept beeping at me telling me my heart rate was too high so it would slow down to compensate. So, I moved to the elliptical and after only 3 minutes I thought I was going to die!! I pushed through it and gave up after 10 minutes. I had originally planned to do some circuit training today, too. But, I ended up leaving in tears.

And, to top it all off I have gained two more pounds.

I am trying to not beat myself up over this. I just got out of the hospital last week with a sudden case of asthma and I was in there for 5 days. My body is still healing. I know this is going to be one baby step at a time, but today I feel like crap.

I feel fat. I feel totally out of shape. And, mostly, I feel embarrassed that I allowed myself to get to this point.

I am not going to stop. I will be back at the gym tomorrow....even if it's only for 20 minutes. I am so determined to LOSE THIS WEIGHT!!!!

Day One = Done.

Two Words

can literally change your life.

They can paralyze you.

Or, they can motivate you.

I am going with the last one.

What are those two words?

Morbidly Obese.

Yes, you read that right. I am clinically classified as morbidly obese. Me, the girl who was literally the poster child for anorexia when I was a teenager. The girl who was a size 3 all through high school and a size 6 when I got pregnant with my last baby. Well, I now wear a size 24. I am tired of hiding. I am tired of being embarrassed of my body. Tired of being scared to visit my family for fear of what they will think of my massive size.

But, mostly, I am tired.

I was recently hospitalized with a case of sudden, severe adult onset asthma and while I was seeking in patient treatment, my doctor decided to run a few tests.

Not only am I seriously overweight, I have high blood pressure, significant thyroid issues, swelling in my legs and feet, asthma, fluid around my heart, and I am at a high risk for type 2 diabetes.

It's time for a change and I am ready. I have a total of 128 pounds to lose and I am giving myself an undetermined amount of time to do it in. To me, this isn't just about weight loss, it's about my life. Specifically, the rest of my life. My husband is on board with me and we plan to go join the local gym next week. I already have clearance from my doctor to start this, provided I stay on my asthma meds and watch myself closely.

I am scared, but determined.

I am nervous, but excited.

I am ready.

Let's do this. :)